I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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