I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
