I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
