just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize