Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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