Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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