I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
