tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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