Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
