How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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