You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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