The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
