he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
