there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Lo siento on account of my penis...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
