I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
