Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
