My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
