Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
