Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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