first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I deserve this hangover.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
