He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
