Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
