she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
