note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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