Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
