Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm like, not good at living.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize