"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize