we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize