dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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