I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
