my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
