Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
