I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
