Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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