dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
