Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
