I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
