He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
