i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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