That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
