I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
