I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
