I heard we made out
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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