I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
