Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
