god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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