why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
