the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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