Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
