I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
