where am i from again
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
