fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
