There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
