I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
