woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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