And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
