I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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