and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
