my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
