On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
