She's JV to your varsity
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
