They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
