Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
