...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
