God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
