I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
