Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
