it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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