i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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