last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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