Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
