wat bout pragnant strippers??
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Still dying that you shit outside
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize
