and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
