I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
People in love make me want to vomit
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have already put on my inside pants.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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